The Holidays

So, these holidays come with some bittersweetness attached to them. I am surrounded by people I love, both family and friends, but at the same time I just want to crawl into bed with a box of tissues and cry.  Cry because I am in pain, cry because I don't know when it's going to stop and cry for my life I used to have that included running and being more active.  Every morning I wake up wondering what that day will feel like, not what the day will bring activity or actions wise, but what my joints and lungs will be feeling.  It's a very disconcerting shift in your emotional well being to change how you wake up and what your first thoughts are.  Usually the thoughts flood me right around the time my cat, Chippett, starts pawing my face asking where his breakfast is.  So, then the smiles come ;)

But, I am wishing for a new year of new beginnings, of starting a life again that I enjoyed or at least, deciding that the way my life is now (if it's not a short term pain problem, but a longer term pain problem) is the way it is and figure out ways to be more active without worrying about what I can and can't do.  I've got a lot of New Year's resoluting to do :)