The Holidays

So, these holidays come with some bittersweetness attached to them. I am surrounded by people I love, both family and friends, but at the same time I just want to crawl into bed with a box of tissues and cry.  Cry because I am in pain, cry because I don't know when it's going to stop and cry for my life I used to have that included running and being more active.  Every morning I wake up wondering what that day will feel like, not what the day will bring activity or actions wise, but what my joints and lungs will be feeling.  It's a very disconcerting shift in your emotional well being to change how you wake up and what your first thoughts are.  Usually the thoughts flood me right around the time my cat, Chippett, starts pawing my face asking where his breakfast is.  So, then the smiles come ;)

But, I am wishing for a new year of new beginnings, of starting a life again that I enjoyed or at least, deciding that the way my life is now (if it's not a short term pain problem, but a longer term pain problem) is the way it is and figure out ways to be more active without worrying about what I can and can't do.  I've got a lot of New Year's resoluting to do :)

My New Year's Resolution

So, as you've read, it isn't going to be too much of a shock on what I want my New Year's Resolution to be...to wake up one morning with no pain and feeling like myself.  But, of course, I don't have much control over that....but I do have some control over my reaction to most likely not having my new year's resolution come true. So, that means, I'm going to tweek it a little bit to say, wake up feeling like myself and being ok with it.  Now, that's something I can actually have some control over.

So as time passes until the end of December, and the New Year is upon us, I'm going to work on it.  That's all I can promise, is work on it.